hbp is here!

yup!yes! it's finally available for the itchy hands of hp sleuths, time to see which speculations will turn out to be intelligent guesses.my copy is about ready to board a plane,probably next week my posts will consist of endless rantings about the half blood prince. anyway this past week was easier on me. less problems about deadlines, though two weeks from now is the judgung for our major plate. sandamakmak na dasal nanaman ang matatanggap ng langit, sana pumasa ko!! well next week din ung report namin sa theory of archi, isa pa un sana naman ok. hmmm... actually nagpapanggap lang akong calm (sabi nga ni nikki) pero sobrang excited na ko sa hbp.
in a way mixed emotions, happy that the long wait is over but dreading the end of the only thing that keeps me sane. well to most it doesn't keep me sane, but i know what i mean. half of the people reading this agree, half disagree, and half don't even know what i'm talking about(kagaya ng sabi sa seinfeld ' half silk half cotton half linen. how can you go wrong) anyway this will be the last of my sane post in a while. possibly my last post for this month, depending on how much they hate us in school. oh, at baka nga pala maligaw kami sa vigan next month after ng prelims, pahinga, pero sa bulsa ng nanay ko hindi :)

temper temper

katapos ko lang kumain. it's almost midnight pero syempre takas pa rin ng isang entry dito. this week is so NOT good for me and that is me being optimistic. design is complete torture! torture in its purest form. lots of pressure, not that i haven't gotten used to it, i mean 2 years of nerves nerves nerves. but this sem is proving to be the worst and that is me doing my work on time. this is probably the effect of having Series of Unfortunate events (from now on, SoUE) stuck to my nose. it took me a week to finish 'the grim grotto'.pretty depressing when i need to get started on my Half-blood Prince(HBP) practice. Haha, practice daw kelangan na kasi i refresh ang mind at makapagformulate ng pahabol na theories.sino nga ba ang half blood prince.

haaaaaay... currently on tv is national geographic's unlocking the da vinci's code. anong bang deal dyan? have you read the book? hindi pa? well you should masarap basahin, on the postive side gets you thinking about your faith. not your religion. goodness me! kung religion na lang ang palaging iisipin wala na talagang maliligtas satin. napansin kaya ng ibang nagbasa ang nakasulat na 'a novel' in front of the cover?it tests your faith, sabi nila. well ako, siguro nasobrahan sa publicity, at wala ng effect. or is it safe to say that i do have a strong faith? naaah... masyado din akong maraming tanong dyan. sa sociology nga lang kung nagtatanong siguro ko, e di na natapos ang class.

haaaaaaaay...ulit. antok na ko. at ikaw rin. :) baka bukas di na tayo pareho magising. so don't waste time! labo ! good night!

you could live for this moment

This moment when everything
Is picturesque
When a glossy something envelopes the world
When the volume is turned down
And you can even here your breathing
When the pendulum forgot to swing
And the leaves forgot to fall
But you cannot forget
When the wind forgot to play
And you don't know hat to say
But it shows
When you feel a bubble rising up
You normally push it down
But find that now you can't
When you look around
But end up finding everything
The same
They look as beautiful
Who cares if you're in the middle
Of a crowded flight of stairs
That you're frozen
In your next step
That people are staring
You don't care
You could live for this moment

hmmmm again

11 am, I’m supposed to be inside a public transpo, listening to music, reading a book and trying to get to school in the shortest time possible. But no! at 11 am I was rubbing my eyes trying desperately to keep them open to see that the clock on the wall is displaying a weird time to be asleep. In short I was not late for first period, I was absent! Of all days to be absent, of all reasons! Great!
We had a ‘crossword’ type of test for sociology and a very hard-to-understand-who-would-bother lecture in plumbing. And our last period prof did not make it, well I don’t really know what happened but our test is long overdue.
It took me an hour to get a ride, as usual. I wasn’t really sure if I took the right transpo until we got to edsa because my stupidity has brought me a couple of times to sm west instead of sm Fairview.
I’m babbling.
Gedrick? Who watches feel young? Tama ba? Anong pangalan ng isang character dun? Ha! Ignorante ako e.
‘point’ (isa lang e) to ponder. Ignorance? Not so bad?

hmmm

it's been a while. resulting in hmmmm.
presentation of the design concept for the good year servitek proj., over. ok though it's not ok to be ok.
i woke at 7am from a terrible tummy ache and got sleep 11 pm saturday, just wonderful innit?
well that's just my never-got-to-see-the-good-side part of my life.
but hey, hbp's just around the corner and hopefully a better layout for my site too...
i'm so clueless. about everything. what is happening around me, what is supposed to be in my head and why the heck am i babbling.
it's 11 pm and i'm wondering about stuff that usually play inside my head at 3am, i just got to learn to schedule this shenanigans my brain just loves doing. probably in dreams that you could forget when you wake. dreams that never stay. oh they never do.

I envy

I envy,
them.
who speak
of someone they know.
I hoped
I wished
I knew

Them.
They talk
About someone.
Someone
I lost

Them.
They have
What I
Will never have

Them.
I wish
I am.

Them.
They have you

I am no one

I am stuck

I love you, not in past tense, never will. I just came to a point where I realized the amount of stupidity I was creating. I took a good look and found all the good things I have been pushing around my plate. Because it would not fit the void you made. I would cut away the excess and found they weren't nice anymore, so i'd throw it away. i tried to fill the gaps but found it's not the same. i've been trying to make things fit what i thought was right, thinking you're the perfect mold. it's a weird kind of relationship. expecting nothing but still hurting, missing something i thought i'd let go.it hurts. then i hit the wall, with nothing. i can't stop hoping cause i never did. can't end something that never began. and now at this point i am stuck

Betrayal of Eyes

You know you hate me.
For years,
You have been tethered on the edge of hate.
You know you love me so much,
You hate me.
You’re going six feet under.
You killed yourself with your own denial
Tomorrow we will meet
You claim apathy
but you can’t
And then we will meet again
I will look at you
But you are tired of telling me
You hate me
For your eyes betray you
One day you will tell me
What your eyes speak of
I will tell you the same
But my eyes won’t
You leave shaking you head
Not believing.
But I do.
But my eyes won’t
Again we will meet
You won’t speak
I will look at you
Try to seek but you won’t see
I know you wonder
You try to hate me
But you know you can’t
We will go on like this
Then I will get tired
I would bury myself six feet
Again you will descend the pit
Side by side, we lay
You tell me you hate me
And your eyes won’t betray you
I tell you I love
And my eyes won’t betray me
We won’t believe each other
I am happy to lay beside you
Not believing each other
‘I love you’ you won’t feel
‘I hate you’ has devoid me of feelings
You will never know
I truly love you
I know you love me
It’s enough
After sometime
Maybe the darkness of the earth
Will soften my voice
And you will understand.

I Do Not Falter

I open my eyes
And wake my alter ego
For years I have been torn
Between contradiction
I tell you I hate you out of habit
I do not falter
I never do
Your eyes lack emotions
But somehow exude
Abysmal confidence
You must think I have failed
I have not
I won
I managed to hate you
More than possible
You're eyes seek the anomaly
And you've won
You know
I know you do
I smiled inwardly
I tell youI hate you
I did not falter
But my eyes betray me

You Will Cry For Me 'Mione

You will cry for me
You will weep for every glare I throw
You will stand on your knees
You will despise every fiber of my being
And I…
Will lovingly count every tear that escape your eyes
I will make you feel
I will trade apathy
For your hateI will take all
That you can give
The tears
The hate
I will make you hate me
More than you thought possible
For you will never love me
The way I hoped you would
Start saving your tears ‘Mione
For you will cry for me

Draco's note for 'mione 3

You will cry for me
I will take from you
All the tears
You never shed for me

I will claim
What you deny
I will dry your eyes
Of the tears

For you will
Never cry
For someone else
But me

If you cannot love me
You will cry for me
‘mione
Happy Valentine’s

Draco's note for 'mione 2

I watched you from afar
Where they wouldn’t know
And you wouldn’t care
Where I could suffer my love

I would take being second best
If it meant losing to you
I would taunt the weasel and scarhead
If it meant a strong emotion from you

I would take a punch, a slap
Anger and hate
I would take anything
You could give

My non-existent heart
Will continue to feel
As long as you hate me
I will love you

Happy Valentine’s Day
‘mione

Draco's note for 'mione 1

Crawl on the bloody floor
Let the red stain
Linger on your skin
The irony smell
Stay on the olfactory

Let your eyes turn into ruby
Forget the emerald
Forget the sapphire
Forget the yellow tainted glow of the light

Focus on the pain
Let the grace embrace
Soon it will disappear
Your vein will stop spurting your life
And it will end

And you will be with me
Where they don’t care
If you love me
Or if I love you
If love exists

That I’m an insufferable git
And you are an insufferable know-it-all
Where the weaslebee
And the pothead
Don’t exist

And we are gone
To live
Happy Valentine’s
‘mione

time...

who was it that i saw all those times? an image that time has created for me to love. someone for my eyes to follow, for my heart to feel, to bury me deeper.

so i guess you were gone a long time ago. fast before i ever realized who you really were.

so the tears that fell were for no one. the scars that were left were for no one. i was afraid of being an empty shell when you leave me, funny how i've always been.

so it was you all along, that someone i never cared for. it was you all along, that someone who never cared. stupid me, i never realized i loved a phantom.

time is cruel. that i know now, for it left me in that puddle of shit, i thought was a haven for love. how i wasted my life for someone i thought was some one.

well i guess now, we could be together in that puddle of shit, being two no ones

time

i am so used to seeing you, so used to your voice. memorized every detail of your beautifully crafted face.

until i saw you today, and i realize, time. it does exist. such a traitor, it crept from behind. i never knew what it was taking away from me, until i opened my eyes and saw you. how different you are from who i thought you were.

images, they were so concrete. like you're there before me, though you were long gone. away from the life i thought we had, away from me.

to be continued...