...

San? San nakakabili ng Eli?

Makes you want to run away and then back

Pictures were strewn on the floor, colored and alive. We were in black and white so alike the way we really are, they way we see you and I. There were people all around us, they way they always are. They were asleep, as asleep as they are all the time.

The room was gray with four walls, a door and a missing ceiling. In place of it was the starry sky, just enough illumination for your face, our faces.

I am lost as I always am whenever I talk to you, whenever I talk to anyone. You were trying to tell me something and as usual I do not understand. You took one of the pictures on the floor and showed them to me. I figured you were trying to prove a point. I wasn’t really paying attention until I noticed the pictures you were laying out in front of me. Pictures I have never seen before. But they were of you and me. Something was strange about those photos… they seemed to be moving in slow motion. Oh, laughter, I can hear laughter.

The pictures were in full color, moving and laughing. I know, though I don’t know how, that that was us laughing. I sense happiness in those pictures. Who took them? Why wasn’t I aware?

I really don’t understand what you were trying to tell me. I guess you sensed it as furrows deepened in my forehead. You made them disappear with the gentle touch of your air. And I felt I somehow understood. For the first time, I understood.

I stood up and reached for the door. I was overwhelmed with what dawned on me as I stared at those pictures on the floor. I opened the door and found another gray room. Your alter ego was there. I asked what the bother is since it’s too late to be turning on the stove. Milk. Again, I was lost and did not understand.

Dreams are usually on a grayscale. Blurry and foggy. Indistinct voices and ungraspable messages. Seldom to dreams come in full color, alive and surprisingly happy.

Dreams, they only amuse you for a few moments. The smiles last for a few moments upon waking. But the realization gets stuck all your waking hours.

Great! Just when you thought your waking self will be able to live the better life your treacherous dreams creeps up on you and tells you,

“Darling, do not fool yourself. We both know the surreal untruth would be better than your reality.”

Penchant for the delicate bubbles

I have a penchant for wanting the things I can never have or wanting the things I don’t necessarily need. I live for the challenge of the things that constantly elude me. I sound ungrateful sometimes, appearing to not pay attention to the things I have.

I am grateful and I am aware of the things I have. But I fear that when the challenge of the chasing leaves me I will cease to be. I will be the rational being the world wants me to be, the one who thinks before taking action or in my case, rather, to think less.

My current inability to organize my thoughts, to come up with logically sequenced paragraphs, an outline of the things I should be talking about, to be parallel, is something I have to endure, for now. I. hope.

My smiles are, more often than not, indicators not of my happiness but of an impending blow. A blow that can be shallow or deep that renders me useless once more. A blow that leaves me once again, the feeling, the romantic (lazy lunatic). And for the nth I’m gonna claim that this time I will not fall victim of that morphine drip, that this time I’m gonna face the facts, the truth. I appear as though I live my life in pain, constantly. I don’t.

I like to isolate the pain, to barricade it and place it in a bubble. Impenetrable, but to me. And around my bubble, I blow the little bubbles of my lies, fantasies, dreams of how things should have been.

So I guess, this smile I’m sporting for now is a welcome to my sadness.

I hope life proves me wrong.

A good morning

I woke up with a smile. One that lasted the whole day. Like a bubble that forgot how to burst. Or a slow moving picture, one of the best you have.

It's far fetched but nevertheless a happy dream.

It took me a good half hour to get off bed simply because the i don't want to erase the images. it was one of those dreams where you know you're dreaming.

It was a nice kiss on the forehead of my dream.

Replays, reruns.

seldom do dreams come out so well that you'd want to leave the lovely world of lalaland hoping to come by a sweet reality. Me in the real world, that is saying something.

Of course, dreams are also as delicate as bubbles, ready to burst anytime. And it did.

Darling, that image once again. Let it go.

You're fighting a losing battle.

______
Methinks:
I must be sick. I'm strangely happy that I'm almost sad about it.
Need to talk or sleep or breathe.

I have a long list of things I hate. I guess that makes me a hateful person.

Some say that the things you hate the most in other people are the things you probably hate about yourself. God, I hope I don’t become the things I hate.

Summertimethoughts

Summertime: I’ve lost track of what summer vacation is. This time next year, hopefully, fortunately and unfortunately, summertime would only mean the best time to make use of accumulated leaves (or is that even a correct term). Force leave, sick leave… haha

Sometimes, when the sun feels arrogant and starts to fry your brain, you get thoughts that you can’t quite define. They are thoughts that wreck havoc inside your hydration-challenged brain. They range from real to surreal, shallow and indepth. Thus, the birth of the Brainfried Thoughts. (a close relative of the Old Ideas Series and practically as useless).

Thought 1: I hope that this generation’s voters are intelligent enough to see those politicians’ dirty, insulting, desperate tactics.

Thought 2: I love my privacy. I do. I seriously dislike it, when people make the extra effort to get behind you and ogle your daily dose of internet nonsense. When you’re phone gets used without your permission, I probably would have said yes if you asked but I’d prefer that you bother with the asking. It’s a bad attitude of mine I recognize that but but but.

Thought 3:

Dear Day,

The night is the best time to relish the silence and your solitude, in front of your laptop, away from people’s stares. The best ideas come to life at night when the world is presumably asleep and only a handful share the silence with you. The best strategies to ‘outshine the moon’ (Bloc Party- The Prayer) come to life when everyone else is too busy snoring. Nighttime is the best time to come up with stupid ideas because once you succumb to sleep Mr. Sandman can clean all your toxic ideas. The darkness of the night is the best time to miss the people you never will miss you, because they are too preoccupied missing someone else. Nighttime is the best time to reread Harry Potter because no one bothers you. Of course, the hype of the night is dulled by daytime coz when the morning breaks everyone assumes that it’s time to be awake to tread the murky waters that is the world. They are not aware of the wonders of the night, they will never know for I will never tell.

Love, Night

Thought 4: I have an incredible amount of patience. Haha, not really I don’t. I just know how to let my boiling hot temper (mind you, it’s always that way) simmer away inside of me until all that’s left is uhmm well, nothing.

Thought 5: I love my silence. Silence

Thought 6: I get stressed out with company.

Thought 7: I am dying.

I have decided to end this series here apparently, because of the lack of eloquence in my thoughts due to the fact that my brain is coming out of my ears.

Bye, world. I strived to come up with crispy thoughts, crunchy enough for your brain to bite. Alas, I came up with some soggy and some burnt thoughts for desperate brain. Oops

P.S
World, I'll be back with more soggy and burnt thoughts haha

you should know

i've been stupid...

ok, i got stupid again...

stupid is now my middle name...

bear with my stupidity, world

for one day it might progress to indifference...

...

It does not matter, my love for you is a crazy trance

Why be so loud?

World is already too loud

***

Kawawa naman ang Pilipinas, kapag eleksyon daig pa ng pulitiko ang artistang nagppromote ng pelikula.

Konting respeto naman sa sarili.

***

How I died

I think I loved

Too much

Too fast

Too long

I wonder

Sometimes

If it’s possible

To love

Too much

Too fast

Too long

I said before

A dozen times

I’m over it

I know of course

All of it

Was wishful thinking

I’m afraid

Apathy has found

Me

It’s hard to use

The word ‘feel’

It does not sound right

When I look at you

There’s a dull

Ache

Where my beating

Should have been

I wait for the

Inevitable

Painful

Neverending

Aching

The waiting

Makes it worse

Because the inevitable

Pain

Won’t come

I want my pain

I refuse the morphine drip

I need the coffee

In my veins

To keep me awake

While waiting for my pain

It’s like being loaded

With work

For too long

And abruptly

Being free

You wander around

Wondering

Where

Work has gone

I wander around

Wondering

Where

Pain has gone

Where my beating

And air

Has gone

And this

Is how I drown

...

dapat rma ang hinaharap ko
naiiyak ako
di dahil sa rma
may automatic with perpetually inconvenient timer
ang mata ko

...

this place has been awfully quiet for a while
and i'm still hurting
my innate ability to stitch myself back together
has gone totally haywire
i'm surprised
i'm still alive

yes, i still think you're lucky

mazel tov? no.
tomorrow is today,
i take it back.
it's not over

...

please know how lucky you are.

Batad, Banaue, Ifugao.

I'll get my high, for now, on this.

Things I learned in Batad:

1. Travel light. Nuff said.
2. If you should fall choose mud.
3. Shit happens. If you need to step on one do so. (Of course it’s always better for you and everyone with you, that you avoid doing so).
4. Bring as much water as you can carry if you plan to play poker or in-between because a 20 something bottled water, once it reaches Batad, turns into gold.
5. In-between is a very addictive game
6. Nikka’s waterloo is in-between.
7. Stop complaining that water is gold in Batad, because you can’t drink you’re pocket money when you’re insanely thirsty.
8. It pays to be up early enough to see nothing but fog.
9. Canned goods save you money. But they only taste so good for so long….
10. A walking stick is helpful.
11. Gollum is a strong hiker. He has perfected the art of climbing steep slopes on all fours. It really is not so bad and embarrassing once you’ve started cursing stairs and decided to camp in the mountains, marry a native so that you never have to go up and down and up again to return to Rita’s inn.
12. Mountain breeze and ice cold mountain water is not and never will be a good combination.
13. A panoramic window that catches all the cold mountain air should never be put in a bathroom.
    
14. Never underestimate a .1mor .2m difference in a step’s rise because once you start ascending or descending a .5m step… and see 400 more…
15. Put sunblock on your feet, tan lines from slippers aren’t so nice to look at.
16. It is cold in Banaue. Especially when it’s drizzling and you forgot that you need a jacket outdoors.
17. Learn to walk. Forget that on your left is a stone wall with lots of moss that can’t save your dear life and on your right is a drop that will claim your dear life and on your feet is a 12inch or less protruding rock pretending to be a step that holds your dear life.
18. Mona can run but she can’t fly.
19. If you love your ass, the jeepney ride to the saddle is better undertaken inside the jeep not on top of it.
20. Coffee is cheap in Batad. 4 cups in a day only costs 20 pesos, well you have to bring your own coffee and cup. But coffee is coffee is coffee.
21. There are various stages of drunkenness and home sickness.
22. Beware of an innocent mineral water bottle, it could be gin.
23. Eating eggnog when you’re drained gives a little boost of energy and oreo has never been better once you’ve reached the top.
24. For a traveler, nothing’s cheap.
25. The serious ba to? Are Serious Batos.

If I don't get to lazy, this'll be continued...

Hyperventilate!

This was posted at J.K. Rowling's official site.

Section: News

Thursday 1 February 2007
Publication Date for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be published on Saturday 21st July 2007 at 00:01 BST in the UK and at 00:01 in the USA. It will also be released at 00:01 BST on Saturday 21st July in other English speaking countries around the world.