How I died

I think I loved

Too much

Too fast

Too long

I wonder

Sometimes

If it’s possible

To love

Too much

Too fast

Too long

I said before

A dozen times

I’m over it

I know of course

All of it

Was wishful thinking

I’m afraid

Apathy has found

Me

It’s hard to use

The word ‘feel’

It does not sound right

When I look at you

There’s a dull

Ache

Where my beating

Should have been

I wait for the

Inevitable

Painful

Neverending

Aching

The waiting

Makes it worse

Because the inevitable

Pain

Won’t come

I want my pain

I refuse the morphine drip

I need the coffee

In my veins

To keep me awake

While waiting for my pain

It’s like being loaded

With work

For too long

And abruptly

Being free

You wander around

Wondering

Where

Work has gone

I wander around

Wondering

Where

Pain has gone

Where my beating

And air

Has gone

And this

Is how I drown