I have enough courage for a blog post

Let me just put this out there. I do not pine or hope or wish for anything more than friendship. I may have gotten too smitten at times, but i never misinterpreted the supposed friendship you are giving as something romantic. It is what it is. Just friendship. That has been set since day 1. What i feel is not relevant. If you're putting distance because you think i am pining, spare me. I know my place. 

I am only disoriented by the sudden shift  from 'i think we could be friends' to 'let's just be officemates'. It was never because i hoped for more than what i am entitled to. If it was because i asked, keep on asking for attention, I am sorry. i was only missing what i thought was the norm.  In my defense, you did give me attention. You listened and you allowed me to get to know you. (Or at least that's what i thought). I did think for a time that it was too much, but it was you who said that's normal for you. You have this whole speech about not spreading yourself too thin so you can give more of yourself to the people who matter. (In fairness to you, you did stress 'people who matter) I was a little too gullible to allow myself to get used to the setup. Sorry. 

If you feel you gave too much and now you're pulling back, you should have said something. For normal people that does not require explanation. But for me it does. Yes, that is how socially inept i am. I made that very clear. Didn't i? 

If you think you need to setup boundaries because  i'm crossing the line, then just say so. That's  why i asked, i also want things clearly demarcated. If i crossed the line, i'm sorry. 

I am generally not clingy and demanding. But when you give me a certain level of attention (i was under the  impression that was your version of friendship) and you take it all away, i am bound to ask what's up? It is not the absence of lunch outs, dinners, movies, window shopping per se. You have oh so effectively pulled the welcome mat from under me and shut me out. A simple 'how are you?' doesnt seem to merit an answer. 

I know there is no point in writing this because apparently you don't like talking about things. (And you are not reading this, which is a plus methinks) It's a wonder how you survived me for the past several months. I like to talk. 

Oh, i just remembered you said you also liked to talk. Is that true? I kinda wonder if the you i met is the real deal. Yes, i actually doubt the realness of the good times. Whether those were happy times with you or just a pretend version of you,  they were still fun times. I hope you weren't fake enjoying my company. I think it's safe to say i provide decent company. 

So really, what i'm trying to say is if you arr busy and preoccupied (and can only focus on so many things at the same time) i understand. But don't make me feel as though i constantly have to consult a checklist of things i can and cannot do or say to you. I think you're company is good enough to want to keep around (again, not for romantic reasons). I care enough to want you around. If you do not feel the same, then by all means just be clear enough in cutting me off. I won't have a grand time dealing with that, but i know that happens. Please be kind enough to show me the way out. Don't just shut the door. 

Aaaand we are done overthinking!