...

In the end we're all alone

Demotion

People you work with..

DONT ask how you're doing

What you've been up to

How your weekend is going

Send random texts because it is raining

Whine to you about the weather or traffic situation or life

DONT check if you've had lunch

If you enjoyed your lunch

If you want to go out for lunch

Or dinner

Or check if you've been eating on time

DONT ask you to hang out with them

because they're going through some things

Need company, need a little help

Need your presence to enjoy while going through some rough times in their life

DONT give you gifts to show you they appreciate you

Or  just because they know you want it

Or need it 

Or they just enjoy seeing you happy

Or just because they saw something that reminded them of you

DONT need to know it's your dad or your mom or your brother's birthday 

If you celebrated, how you celebrated. 

DONT need to know if you're home safe  

If they ask, you don't need to reply. 

They should not expect a reply. 

DONT need to be part of your life

Or you part of theirs

If they ask, you are not obligated 

You just need to work with them

Conversations- within office hours

Everything - for convenience

All - within the bounds of work

It makes sense now. 

You don't need to be friends with them. Should not?

It makes sense. When people put their walls up, respect the wall. Because if they want to, they will open the door to let you in. 

Some nights i forget

Random texts. Good mornings. UP. Fic. Rodic's. binatog. Racks. Coffee bean.  Krispy kreme. Prometheus. Spiderman. Paris talk . New york. Especially new york. Peanut butter and hazelnut empanada. Hello panda. Overtimes and sourcing. Park square 1. Cute pets. Hamsters. Gadget window shopping. Palladium. Tsoko loco. Malunggay pesto. Yellow cab. Starbucks. Super bowl. Brothers. Taken. Dredd. Sbarro.  Mexicali. Everyday pop quiz. A lesson a day. SD gundam. Earphones. The hobbit. Shang. Hobbes. That place that sells nachos and cheese poppers? Great toys? Octagon. That petshop. 

It's an endless list. Because no matter how pedestrian some things are, it's fun. With you. That's always the case with friends, right?You know what the best part is? Everyday i spend with you i learn something new. About you. About myself. Positive things. Negative ones. Things to improve on. You may not notice but i want to be better. For myself, for you, for my friends. Sometimes i forget that everyday i have the chance to be better. Sometimes i get trapped in my own little world. Why do you think i gravitate towards you? Because things are clearer when i'm around you. You probably disagree because i whine, i complain, i talk stupid. But after all the crazy talk, after the occasional waterworks, i feel better. My thoughts a little less muddy. I know you're busy. You don't need to be bothered by my ramblings. 

Be a little more patient with me. I'm trying to get my shit together. Don't quit being a friend. 

Rainy days make it hard to be a non-believer

I don't believe in destiny. I like to think hardwork pays off. Maybe it does. Maybe i am just a control freak. 

Destiny offers a certain level of comfort that you sometimes seek when you're down. It's particularly useful in matters of relationships. In finding a partner in life. In finding someone. We can always turn to destiny when a recent interesting acquaintance becomes bland, when something good turns sour. It wasn't meant to be, we say. It was meant to be that way.  We kid ourselves. 

It would be nice to be able to tell  yourself on rainy days that destiny is working on your 'Love story'. That somewhere somehow pieces of an elaborate puzzle are falling into place. That you can sit back and enjoy a warm cup of hot chocolate while the tides of fate bring you closer to your soulmate. Not believing in destiny makes that impossible. 

I am not bitter. I can accept what is and isnt so. I can manage life alone. I have good friends. I know their value. I am happy with them. I know how lucky i am.  The blessings are pouring, when i open my eyes. But wouldn't it be great to find someone who complements you. Who challenges you and supports you. Who loves you. Love. I wonder what it's like when someone who's not family or a friend loves you. Is it any different? 

Wouldn't it be great to find someone who's complete without you but would rather complicate their lives with your presence because, well, love. Is it real? 

I dont have destiny's comforting whispers when i ask myself these. I'm alone in my head. No one to assure me someone will come along. Sure, that's what people will tell us. We want to believe. I want to believe. But we know there's possibility that's never gonna happen. 

It's hard when you don't believe in destiny and you feel some sort connection with someone. Albeit a fake connection. You know that if you don't give it a shot no wheels of fate are turning to bring you back together. That sort of thing only happens in movies. 

There's freedom in choices. You're free to decide and also free to mess up. 

9:03 PM Map