Just get over it sappy fool

I miss texting haha. I miss you. But that's all in the past, a year to be almost exact. Gone are the witty messages, good mornings, take cares and good nights. Sometimes people get bored, seek company then become bored again and leave. Find something, someone else to keep them company.  It happens. 

No one gives a damn so stop feeling anything. It just makes you look crazy. 

I am tired, God.

Please give me rest. 

All purpose blog

I've been posting an incredible amount of non sense lately. Not that this blog was ever meant to mean anything. But this page has been getting an extra dose of non sense everyday. 

This blog is serving its purpose. 

It was meant to be a place for all my useless, random thoughts. Some of the posts i've published i no longer believe in. Some i still do. Some still make sense to me. Some dont. I write almost immediately after a burst of emotion. I seldom hold back. I write whatever comes to mind. I read and notice all the errors. Grammatical, content wise. I read some and it's like i have memorized the whole entry. Sometimes i read it and it's like someone else wrote it. 

I take mental notes. I correlate what happened with what i wrote. I learn how i may have overreacted. How i should have handled the situation. Why my theory is flawed. Why i dont make sense. I try to learn. This is how i learn. I have to think. Maybe i overthink. Maybe because that's all i get to do. Think, wonder, sometimes hope. I've been told that maybe i should just keep my thoughts to myself. That's why i write lest i just die from so many thoughts and wonderments and hopes left unsaid. 

If i want to keep you then i'll go crazy on you more than once. Because i want you to know me and i want to know if we can handle each other. I'm not a very good judge of character. 

I'm not sure why im writing this. Maybe just so i dont lose track of what lesson im trying to learn. I'm kinda lost right now. Well maybe not lost. Just really sad. 

I did learn something new this week. Get hope out of your head. Play loud music until you are deaf and  pretend that you dont care. When care starts creeping back. Lie. And pretend some more. 

You are not on the list. Silly.

Sometimes we dont have enough time to accommodate all the things we want to do or to spend time with people we want in our lives. That's why we prioritize. We have a list and we make time for them. Most people will not include you in that  list. Suck it up. Stop asking for time. Stop looking stupid hoping they will make time for you. Sometimes they just dont have enough. Go keep yourself company. 

It's amazing what a year can do

Surround yourself with friends. They are your first line of defense. Let them help you filter out the people who will do you no good. 

Let go of the ones who cause you pain. They don't hurt you, sure. But you allow yourself to feel hurt in their company. Cut them lose. Have enough respect for yourself to recognize that you're deserving of a little more than leftovers. If you don't believe it, then lie to yourself. And do it well. 

Your happiness is you. Not the people who come and go. Just because someone makes you happy doesn't mean they're your happiness. You may be misled. Retreat. Go away inside (like jaime). Let your friends remind you you are your happiness. Let them bang your head against the wall till some sense falls into place. 

Time and distance will help. If you can't physically get distance, again, go away inside (like jaime). Notice the good things. Let your friends remind you what it's like to have fun. Start a new hobby. Sooner or later you will realize, your happiness did not depend on one person. 

Cry. Until you think your eyes will fall out. Then stop.  Stop believing. Stop hoping. Stop trusting. Leave your heart some place secure. Maybe with your friends. When you're calloused enough maybe you can open up. Until such time be the one they call stupid for being walled up. The one who will never find anyone because they are too reserved, too afraid  to let anyone in. That shouldn't bother you because you're heartless. If it bothers you, remind yourself that you are not trying to fall in love. You are but trying to stitch yourself together. 

It's amazing what a year can do. 

Overcooked, hardboiled, and rotten thoughts

No matter what i do i always feel like i'm on borrowed time. So i exhaust every minute. I want to spend time. And when you're on borrowed time, It's not unusual to feel that the wanting is one sided. That it has become a chore to the other person. This is the consequence of opening up. To the wrong person. Can't blame anyone there. Oh well, this too shall pass. Sooner than later please. I hate looking like i'm chasing after you. I hate looking stupid too. Fallen and trapped inside a web you will deny weaving and i'll be too stubborn to accept being stuck in.