old stuff part 1

The drafting table of a supposed writer

My table is looking weird now. There are superimposed 15 by 20 clear prints in the center all waiting to be inked or started. Taped on the upper right side or sometimes on the left are 3 pages of short bond paper, printed on them is the proof that a few people actually believe I can write. Beside my table is the computer. Dusty. At night until the wee hours of the morning I find myself shuffling between the table and computer. Sometimes or most of the time I end up in between, which is the bed. And tomorrow I wake up with nothing to submit, stressed and in big trouble.

The table I use for drafting. The computer I use for writing. Before, I never put my ramblings directly on screen, I let them run around the paper first to develop, then they end up edited in MS Word. Nowadays, I can not afford them running around. Either there is no room to run around or there are no ideas to run around. It gets annoying.

The computer and the table are now basically the same. I never want to use them when I need to. I am in really big trouble now; the Indecisiveness Syndrome is firing up. I hate second thoughts. That’s why I taped the 3-page proof of my brain beside all the things I have to do. Hoping that it will anchor my floating head, I need it. It scares me. It’s so official.

My table is looking weird, still. It’s also dirty.