We lie.

We say we don't hope. But we do. Hoping tears us. Hopelessness kills us.

Kill me now for posting the words of a song. Of this song

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying

...
You're wonderful
And it's beautiful

...
But you're already somebody's baby

-Elliot Smith, Twilight

One night i typed away without care for grammar and spell check.

I want to find someone to travel with me. Cambodia, korea, paris, spain and more. I want to hear interesting factoids about the places we will go to. I want an adventure. I want an adventure buddy.

I want someone who will tell me i'd look good in jeans, boots and a turtleneck while we walk around paris. Someone who will teach me to appreciate all there is to find in the louvre. We will have coffee and pastries until we're stuffed. We will sit in front of the river drinking wineand cheese from the farmer's market. We will find cheese with holes.

We will go to beautiful subterranean caves. We will eat serrano ham. We will walk underneath cherry blossoms. We will take photos ofall the beautiful buildings we will find. We might not show up in the photos. We will visit mecca, see the Kaaba. We will watch a U2 concert, and Sting too. We will go where they shot the lord of therings and harry potter. We will go ot weird Japan. We will watch night racing. We will visit all the Disneylands. We will act like kids. We will be child -like.

If we cannot afford to travel, yet, maybe we can hang out in a coffee shop instead. We will mark all the places we will go to and save up for them. We will find affordable vacations while we save for the big ones. We will not give up on our dreams.

I want to find someone who's passionate. Passionate about me, passionste about life. We will not live a mediocre life. He will be smart and he will teach me everything he knows. I will learn from him and maybe be a little smarter than i am now. We may or may not want to do everything i wrote here. But whatever we do, we do together. We will grow together.

Where are you? I hope you're hoping for me too.

Intermediate rafting

Things already ran their course, terms have ended and walls are up. Drawbridge pulled up, moat dangerously deep and infested.

Eh, there's truth in the statement though. Let's drown, shall we?

Stupidity is hard

I believe in a supreme being. I'm not religious but i believe in a supreme being.

I dont believe in fate or destiny. But i believe in a supreme being. When i stumble upon little trinkets of wisdom i say they were purposely put there for me to find. Or maybe not. I have a recurring case of forgetting what i believe in.

I am one of the many who brave the dreadful mass transportation everyday. I got a seat today. No trouble. And i think it is the universe's way of saying 'Maybe the best way home is the straightforward one. One that requires no roundtrip, no extra effort, no extra fare '.

I found an article today. It teaches you how to love yourself. Unconditionally. Flaws and all. It teaches you to sometimes listen to that treacherous voice that tells you how ugly, boring and stupid you are. And how to remind it you're worthy of love despite all that.

There are other ways to interpret that. (or maybe i should just stop interpreting things) It is so easy to be cynical. My interpretation only works on the premise that i am optimistic.

I could not recall the purpose of this entry. Maybe just to ramble. Maybe to get some thoughts out of my extremely polluted mind. Maybe just to test if I am still capable of processing information. Lately, i have an aversion to logic. It is working to my disadvantage.

Argue away!

Fermenting ideas is fun. Sounding stupid in front of someone who's actually smart is better than sounding 'intellectual' in front of people who don't really understand.

Let's be happy everyday. Everyday

Strings are fun. Short, long. Stringing you along. Some amuse you for a while. Some help you pass the time.

You know what else is fun? Scissors. They cut strings.

Doesn't matter if they are long or short. But strings end when you snip snip.

I have a feeling 2013 will be legendary. Here's to great new beginnings!

Ebb away

Let us allow things to run their course. Some things have no value if they don't come easy.

F1 pace of life

June: are you happy?
Yes. Dont know why. But yes. I never question anything that puts a smile on my face

December: are you happy?
Ask me again in a couple of months. I hate to acknowledge the fact that being happy is a conscious and hard effort and it's increasingly difficult too.

Erase, change, move

Why do we keep looking at things that grab our throats and slowly try to choke us? Because we like the torture? Because we enjoy the drama?

No.

Because we hope that it will stop hurting. Maybe we will be desensitized. Just like all things, it will end. We hope that will happen today. Now.

We hope. We hope not to lose hope.

Sometimes chocolate is not enough

The only good thing about the commute to work is the 15-20 steps in front of Ricoa. A whiff of Chocolate heaven.

It's possible, that's the only good thing about work.

Like putting together a puzzle of ramblings from the Net

The appeal of everyone as a human being increases when you know your time with them is fleeting.

Some things are better left short and unadulterated; it is what it is and what it was is perfect.

Sure.

*too much thoughtcatalog can make you overthink. -Evelyn Cheung. 6 lessons you learn from excessive travelling.

Sometimes the truth sucks

Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think.

Post mortem

Often it is the tiny, almost insignificant decisions we make in our day to day lives that have the most impact on who we are, who we're with, who hurts us. (Because really, who gets to hurt us but those we allow) It is almost untraceable. When you try to figure out where a mistake was made it's next to impossible to find it.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations, uncomfortable situations, brought about by a series of random and harmless decisions. Like a decision to talk to someone new, to be friends with an unlikely new acquaintance. How can a potentially heartbreaking situation come from a set of lighthearted conversations? It's like asking 'why do bad things happen to good people?'. It never gets a straight answer. It is disconcerting to know that there is no way to predict a bad outcome. It just happens.

All things eventually come to an end. The good and the bad, fortunately and unfortunately. So how do we end something that is veering towards an unfortunate ending when it is based on a series of fortunate (happy!) events?

Everyone struggles with the hand they've been dealt.

Don't wait to be happy.