Summertimethoughts

Summertime: I’ve lost track of what summer vacation is. This time next year, hopefully, fortunately and unfortunately, summertime would only mean the best time to make use of accumulated leaves (or is that even a correct term). Force leave, sick leave… haha

Sometimes, when the sun feels arrogant and starts to fry your brain, you get thoughts that you can’t quite define. They are thoughts that wreck havoc inside your hydration-challenged brain. They range from real to surreal, shallow and indepth. Thus, the birth of the Brainfried Thoughts. (a close relative of the Old Ideas Series and practically as useless).

Thought 1: I hope that this generation’s voters are intelligent enough to see those politicians’ dirty, insulting, desperate tactics.

Thought 2: I love my privacy. I do. I seriously dislike it, when people make the extra effort to get behind you and ogle your daily dose of internet nonsense. When you’re phone gets used without your permission, I probably would have said yes if you asked but I’d prefer that you bother with the asking. It’s a bad attitude of mine I recognize that but but but.

Thought 3:

Dear Day,

The night is the best time to relish the silence and your solitude, in front of your laptop, away from people’s stares. The best ideas come to life at night when the world is presumably asleep and only a handful share the silence with you. The best strategies to ‘outshine the moon’ (Bloc Party- The Prayer) come to life when everyone else is too busy snoring. Nighttime is the best time to come up with stupid ideas because once you succumb to sleep Mr. Sandman can clean all your toxic ideas. The darkness of the night is the best time to miss the people you never will miss you, because they are too preoccupied missing someone else. Nighttime is the best time to reread Harry Potter because no one bothers you. Of course, the hype of the night is dulled by daytime coz when the morning breaks everyone assumes that it’s time to be awake to tread the murky waters that is the world. They are not aware of the wonders of the night, they will never know for I will never tell.

Love, Night

Thought 4: I have an incredible amount of patience. Haha, not really I don’t. I just know how to let my boiling hot temper (mind you, it’s always that way) simmer away inside of me until all that’s left is uhmm well, nothing.

Thought 5: I love my silence. Silence

Thought 6: I get stressed out with company.

Thought 7: I am dying.

I have decided to end this series here apparently, because of the lack of eloquence in my thoughts due to the fact that my brain is coming out of my ears.

Bye, world. I strived to come up with crispy thoughts, crunchy enough for your brain to bite. Alas, I came up with some soggy and some burnt thoughts for desperate brain. Oops

P.S
World, I'll be back with more soggy and burnt thoughts haha

old ideas part four

Resisting change (for now)
Change is good. Generally. There are things that seem wrong, or things that desperately need change but you can’t bring yourself to well, change.

Sometimes they scream for it and you feel the need. Sometimes it is wrong, but it doesn’t ask for change..

For now things will remain unchanged or wrong or whatever until it screams for the need to change.

old ideas part three

I’m overdoing it. It’s difficult to let go of something you thought you’ve wanted forever and find that it is not for you. I could have made it work. I could. I know. Eventually the load will lighten up, the pressure will be relieved and I’ll start to enjoy again. But I’m too much of an idealist (translated to stubborn) right now.

I screwed up a great opportunity that will never come by again because I’m too scared to pass by that road again. Maybe I’m just lazy. Romanticizing stuff.

I love that I’m feeling conflict right now, I haven’t resorted to apathy yet.

old ideas part two

I finally did it. Signed the worst letter I think I will ever make (fingers crossed). Again, it all sounds so official. It scares me.

This is harder than deciding whether I should pass that résumé because it sucks. This is harder that actually deciding whether I should write it or not. Yesterday I just found out something that is harder; walking inside a room, submitting a letter that need not be edited, will be taken as it s and ending the two-month-assurance that there is something between my ears.

Who gets teary eyed over a business letter?

I mulled this over and over and still even though your sure with no second thoughts, it’s sad.

Sorry for disappointing people. I’m not sure if apologized in the letter.

old stuff part 1

The drafting table of a supposed writer

My table is looking weird now. There are superimposed 15 by 20 clear prints in the center all waiting to be inked or started. Taped on the upper right side or sometimes on the left are 3 pages of short bond paper, printed on them is the proof that a few people actually believe I can write. Beside my table is the computer. Dusty. At night until the wee hours of the morning I find myself shuffling between the table and computer. Sometimes or most of the time I end up in between, which is the bed. And tomorrow I wake up with nothing to submit, stressed and in big trouble.

The table I use for drafting. The computer I use for writing. Before, I never put my ramblings directly on screen, I let them run around the paper first to develop, then they end up edited in MS Word. Nowadays, I can not afford them running around. Either there is no room to run around or there are no ideas to run around. It gets annoying.

The computer and the table are now basically the same. I never want to use them when I need to. I am in really big trouble now; the Indecisiveness Syndrome is firing up. I hate second thoughts. That’s why I taped the 3-page proof of my brain beside all the things I have to do. Hoping that it will anchor my floating head, I need it. It scares me. It’s so official.

My table is looking weird, still. It’s also dirty.