Rambling about lies, truths and priority lists
When we drift away from someone, they are always part of the reason we decide to stay away. It is stupid to stay that it has nothing to do with them. The relationship (whatever it is) involves them. How then can its slow disappearance have nothing to do with them? Maybe it is a small percentage, maybe we think it is something that cannot be changed, maybe maybe maybe.
Maybe you decide to focus on other things, to prioritize. And this new list does not include them. Was that list random? No. You decided based on the merits of your relationship with the people around you. So their non inclusion involved what you think of them, their value to you. Maybe that value is subjective. Maybe it does not equate to their real value as a person. Maybe their value is based on an equation with variables only known to you. Still it involves them.
Most people will not worry about your priority list. I find that only in romantic situations do people start to ask whether you prioritize them. I, on the other hand, do not need romantic associations to wonder if i am indeed a part of someone's life. I generally don't ask. I never feel i am worthy of being anyone's priority. It has nothing to do with confidence, it just never felt right to assume. But sometimes, i guess, i dont know, you will know whose attention you need. At some point you will accept that maybe you deserve the attention they give. And that's when they decide they no longer need you. Which leads you into asking 'why?' And that's pretty much where you're gonna be stuck in. Because sometimes we misjudge people. We trust them too much, too soon thinking they will feel the need to take care of that trust. But i guess, when you give in too easily, they think it is worth nothing. The thing with trust is that it happens subconsiously the first time. You learn. but once that trust is broken, it becomes a conscious effort. They can convince you, you can be convinced. Can. The question is do you want to. Sometimes it is not a worthy investment. Sometimes you're afraid that if you dont try, you will regret it. So you try. And in trying, you have to constantly sort through the lies and the half truths. You become tired. Then maybe you give in. In a way, some lies do not directly affect you. Or eventually you will realize, no one needs your trust.
