I thought I was moving forward. Maybe not,
I lost track of why I do the things I do. And now I wonder if I'm defeating my own purpose.
Maybe I should just do it. Get it over with. Maybe then I'll start moving again. I should really just stop analyzing things. What's to lose anyway...
Things couldn't get worse right?
Lord sana walang nagaganap na lokohan. Ayoko na niloloko ako at mas lalo na ayokong niloloko ang mga taong mahal ko.
I know happiness is a choice. I've heard other people say it, i've heard myself say it to others. I think it is a choice just like everything else is.
But what do you do when it's so much easier to fall into that pit of sadness? Or that everytime you try to be okay, you just slip on your own tears?
I don't like thinking ill of others. I always try to believe and at times, force myself to believe they have good intentions. I try. That does not mean I'm always successful.
I don't like being forced into a decision. I don't like words being put in my mouth. I don't like being put on the spot.
I am afraid it is time to detach. I hate the idea that I might lose, I might end up giving up what I was fighting for just because I do not like the person beside you. I'm tired.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
