I care

It hurts when people say you don't care. Don't care about anything at all.
It hurts because I do. I care about a lot of things.
I just don't know how to show it.
Or I have my own way of showing it.
But I guess it does not really show.

It hurts.

I want you stay. But I want to hate you.
It comes to a point where it hurts too much
And I honestly wonder why.

I wonder

I want to see you happy. But I wonder why it hurts.
I know I can't be in her place.
Because you'd rather not.
Because I'd rather not.

I guess we see that eye to eye.

I want to stay. I want you to stay.
But I still want to hate you.
That would make things easier.
If I just hate you.

It hurts to wonder why I can't even see eye to eye with myself

So what do I do?
Continue to hurt
Continue to wonder
Continue to stay

Words that will never escape

Never expected anything in return. Does not plan to.

And still desperately trying to figure out what I'm trying to do.

I hate having to live with the regret of leaving words unsaid.

But that is what I need to do to keep you.

I often wonder, 'Can I really keep you?'

...

Is it just a struggle between denying something that is already there and preventing yourself from realizing something that you already knew?

If I succeed in denying, in not realizing...

Do I really lose something by holding back? Is it even possible to lose something I never had...

It is...

I dont like posting song lyrics only because I feel like I should string my own ideas together and should not depend on the thoughts of others. well, this one struck home. So, what the hey

What hurts the most by Rascal Flatts
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

...

I live for the things that constantly elude me.
I wonder if it will all be worth it.